Communicating Space To Avoid Anger

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) need space or alone time.  Most all HSP psychologists and coaches agree on this such as Dr Judith Orloff.  Then they also have a hard time with putting someone out for fear of being misunderstood.  It's also not in their nature to put someone out either.  As a result, they do not assert their need of space among their friends and family, and consequently suffer.  As a HSP myself, I would like to share what I go through when I don't communicate the need, and would like to share how it's possible to make the need known agreeably.

Many, many years ago, I became quite religious.  I had a guy who followed me in religious studies.  I felt he followed me too closely and I really felt confined, even claustrophobic.  Then, I had no idea I was a HSP or empath, nor what it meant.  The friendship ended abruptly with me confronting him with anger and frustration.  I always regretted that.  Throughout my life I have experienced many emotional verbal fights and a lot of them can be attributed to my feeling confined.  I really had no idea how to handle the situation.

Unfortunately it took me just recently to find out first hand how to handle the situation.  I had to do this with another friend.  You see, when I feel confined like this I want to get out so bad.  I just want to escape.  I cornered a geko once in a corner and it reacted very forcefully opening its mouth wide and taking a fighting stance.  I also cornered a horse and the resulting behavior was much the same.  It's no different with us.  The way to let people know how you feel is to take them aside.  Explain that you need space and time alone.  Explain that it's not because of them and that you value the friendship/relationship.  They might be taken by surprise, but they will most lightly agree to your terms. The reason is that it doesn't affect them.  Most people are motivated on the selfish level.  That's awful to say, I know, but when you think about it it's true.  Keeping their self esteem intact will usually allow them to agree.

If you doing what I have done and causing strife in your relationships because you feel confined, stop.  Taking the time and courage to share with them your need should do wonders.  Once you do this your anger and frustration will dissipate.  I believe that HSPs are better off fostering strong relationships.

Shortcircuit Analytics

The last few days I've been preparing for an job interview.   I had it today and I learned something about myself.  Self induced stress can shortcircuit the analytical brain.  I've been in stressful situations before, sometimes I am stressed in them and sometimes not.  I really think it depends what I think about the situation and what to expect.  Fear tends to cause stress in me.  I will share what it did to me and what I did to mitigate the stress.

While in stressful situations feeling stress is normal.  At least that seems to be the common thinking.  Stress comes from fear, and fear can be caused by several things.  You can fear the unknown, or the known.  Fearing the known means you had a bad experience before and you don't want to repeat it.  In my case, I have had bad interviews before.  I also had some good ones.  I just did not want to screw it up.  In the bad interviews I felt stress.  The stress cause me to be rigid, shifty eyed, and scared of my own shadow.  That is not a good recipe for an interview.  In an interview you want to feel loose and comfortable.  That way your answers will flow out and you will have a good time.  It would also be a good experience for he interviewer and that can only work in your favor. 

Going to the interview I felt myself tensing up.  I knew I did not want to be tense.  So I meditated. I did some basic breathing and basic meditation.  No fancy meditation, just what I was comfortable with.  I went into the meeting with a little trepidation, but it was under control.  I had a good conversation with the interviewers.  We talked and laughed.  My brain was picked and I answered confidently and loosely.  Bingo, I made it happen.  I went away from that thanking the Source and my lucky stars.

I gained a small victory for myself today.  I acknowledged the fear, the stress, and the tensing up.  I mitigated that with some meditation.  Then I had a good time.  It's been hours since I had the interview and I still feel good about it.  I tend to criticize myself, but this time that was cut short because of the good feeling.  I may not get the job, but I did master myself and was a good player in conversation.  That is quite valuable in any business.