Suffering

Some say, "If there is a God, why does the child in the wheel chair suffer?"  This is an argument against the existence of a creator or god, or whatever you want to call your higher being.  The suffering argument is compelling because, I believe, suffering is inherent with life.  Life and suffering go hand in hand.  How can I say that? Well in the areas of learning, jealousy, and situation, suffering plays huge rolls.  These three areas are experienced by everybody to some degree or another.

Teachers will tell you, that it is common to get academic problems wrong before you learn the right way.  What happens when you get a math problem wrong in class?  You suffer embarrassment and sometimes humiliation.  Your suffering becomes a motivator to learn.  Some martial arts teachers and gym trainers say where there is no pain, there is no gain.  Well, what does the child in the wheel chair do?  How does this motivation to learn help him/her?  Children are marvelous learning beings.  They will learn almost anything you teach them.  The child in the wheel chair can learn how to live in the wheel chair or learn to make a better wheelchair.  Oh but that may not what you were thinking.  You may want the child to live a normal life and able to walk without the wheelchair.   Well, let's look at the next point, jealousy.

What do you want?  How do you get to the point of wanting it?  Jealousy is wanting what others have.  It's often accompanied with the idea that you cannot get it.  Therefore, you suffer anguish and/or rage.  The question often comes up: should you have it?  A man may covet another man's wife.  That is a classic notion.  It's often the case that men lust after many men's wives.  Shhh!  That's a man's secret.  How about being jealous of the rich?  That is extremely common.  The poor suffer and don't think the rich suffer so they figure money will relieve all suffering.  This is not the case.  Rich people suffer just like poor people.  They pay bills and taxes.  They lose money.  They have relationship problems.  They have problems with their children.  They suffer disease.  They suffer anguish.  They also suffer jealousy.  It is very human to want what we cannot have.  So the child in the wheel chair also wants to walk like everybody else but cannot.  He/She can wallow in jealousy or rise above it.  Accepting your situation is important and healthy.

Everybody is in a situation.  You cannot escape.  You will always be in a situation.  The good news is that situations can be changed.  Pain is electronic stimuli to your brain indicating that there is something seriously wrong.  If we go back to the saying, "no pain, no gain," then were inclined to bear the pain.  There are many cultural influences and traditions that may make you bear the pain.  Yet, pain is due to a situation.  Many times you can change the situation to lesser the pain or get rid of it entirely.  Comfort is the opposite of pain.  Comfort is also the opposite of suffering.  Can the child in the wheelchair change that he/she is in the wheelchair.  No, he/she cannot.  Can the child in the wheelchair get more comfortable?  Yes, he/she can.  Change your situation for the better.  Even a little change helps a lot.  Of course, when there is not change to be had, and you run out of options, you would be enticed to seek the ultimate situation changer: death.  Society does not allow this, yet still there are, on average, 30,000 suicides a year in the United States.  I believe they represent 30,000 problems we have not been able to resolve yet.  These people have not found a solution to their suffering.  This is extreme suffering.  It's not their fault that they suffered.  It's our's, society's, fault that their suffering was not relieved.

Why do people suffer?  People suffer whether in great ways or small way.  All people suffer.  The big lie is that you're the only person suffering.  It's not true.  More often than not, there is a solution to your suffering if only your willing to accept it.  You can learn something new, you can accept your situation, or you can change your situation in one way or another.  I believe it is inevitable for physical life to suffer.  I believe that life is scarce in this universe.  I believe that life is a rebellion against the status quo in this realm.  Life is, and therefore life suffers.  Life fights against the entropy of thermal dynamics.  That's because life is not static.  Life wants to propagate life in every aspect of meaning.  Helping the poor, healing the sick, fighting injustice, and making babies propagates life.  Life is always fighting, therefore life is always suffering in some way.  So, going back to the notion that suffering denotes the absence of deity, I say the presence of suffering denotes life fighting something, and the presence of life denotes deity.

Constructing Your Fortress of Safety

Wouldn't you love to have a house by the ocean or a mountain with cool breeze.  Someplace to call your own and where you can be at peace?  Well, we live in the real world where people bother us, lie to us, and don't often enough seem to improve themselves.  For the Highly Sensitive Person this world is a nightmare of constant bombardment of emotions.  Having a mental place of solitude and safety can help the day to day debacle.  It's a place to go to de-stress when you can't go anywhere else.  Let's build ourselves a safe place and fill it with useful things, and this is how you do it.

Make a building.  It can be a building you know or one you make up.  Make sure that it's a building where you feel love and loved.  To help your memory, you can draw it.  Make detailed plans about it.  Then, think about the base material with which you want it built.  I like concrete.  Its strong and durable.  Large logs are also a good option.  The point is that the outer wall should be for protection from the outer world.  Imagine the outer walls.  Feel them inside and out.  Then lay a reflective shield on the outside.  Next, lay a blue inner shield on the inside.  Now you have the shell of your home, your fortress of safety.

Now lets populate the place.  Think what rooms you will need.  I personally opted for a worship room, a library, and an intimate space.  You should make rooms where you will spend some time in and use for your own needs.  Now visit each room.  Put lights in it.  Put down a nice floor and wall paneling.  Put some furniture you like in it.  You should feel comfortable in this fortress of safety.  Once your comfortable there, you will want to spend time there.

Sure it's your place and your space, but it doesn't have to be lonely in there.  Make characters that though are an extension of yourself, can do tasks for you.  I strongly recommend a guardian angel or a bodyguard of some sort.  You never know when you might get an unexpected visitor that plans to stay.  Bodyguards are good to throw out unwanted guests.

I have always heard that it is good to keep your house in order.  Keeping your mind in order is also good.  This method is a 3 dimensional way of doing that.  Since I have started residing in my house in my mind, I have been more at peace and less affected  by the world around me. 

Change Your World

We all would like some control over our world.  We would like children that listen to us, parents that don't embrace us, bosses who encourage us, etc.  Dream on, right?  Well, maybe.  I saw a documentary called Killer Stress by National Geographic (2008).  It comfirmed to me what my life has taught me and what people deny.  We don't need an alpha dominate society.  Therefore I say, you can change your world or environment to get it away from alpha domination.  I would like to share with you how this is possible.  I'm going to spell out the problem and give some tips on how to combat it.

First, what do I mean by alpha dominant society?  Well, this can be any size society: from a family to a global organization.  The dominant individuals in a hierarchy are called alphas.  The alphas have subordinates and there are subordinates to the first subordinates and so on.  This apparently happens naturally among primates.  My guess is that it happens in many animal societies.  An alpha dominates its subordinates with violence and fear.  We can see the same thing happen in High School with the action of bullying.  The alpha wants to dominate rather than be dominated.  According to the documentary this causes stress for subordinates which could lead to early death.

Cliques are formed by alphas.  Some cliques become gangs, some become political parties, and some become religions.  Actually they become many things.  In forming a cliques the alpha will recruit people to join in.  Here is my first tip.  Don't join.  Don't play their game.  Play your own game.  If we're going to be evolved humans that think for themselves, we have to act like one.  An evolved society shows mutual support and respect.  Alphas beat down on their subjects whether physically or emotionally.  An evolved society builds up people.  Once you reject the Alphas' proposal, they know you are not under their control.

You should actively pursue mutual support amongst your peers.  Show support to all of them.  Soon you may get support back.  This will take time.  You can show support by actively listening to them, empathizing with them, and respecting their positions.  This shows to all that you have a different thing going on than the established hierarchy.  People will naturally gravitate towards positive support.  Refrain from yelling, or raising your voice.  Give people time to think about things rather than trying to convince people of your point in conversation.  Allow people to have different opinions.  Allow yourself to listen to their points as well.  Using communication wisely is the key to change a society.

Respect all people even when you don't like them.  In an evolved society, respecting everyone is key.  People have wants and needs.  They have a need to be heard, they have a need to be respected, and they have a need to feel safe.  Communicating with them in a respectful way gives them all these needs.  People use violence when they feel threatened.  Removing all threats from your communication will resolve a lot of tension.  There are opponents in history who didn't like each other but respected each other.  General Patton and General Montgomery comes to mind.  These two generals of WWII didn't like each other.  They had very different styles of command.  Yet had to rely on each other in fighting the Germans in North Africa.  Military officers will respect each other even if they may use terms like "fool" to describe each other.  You can respect someone you don't like.  This is very important.  If you disrespect someone your going to start a war, or feed into the alpha hierarchical system.

Understanding the nature of alpha domination, applying 'play your own game', learning to listen, and giving respect are a start of changing a society.  Alpha domination is the default architecture to a chaotic society.  To change society we have apply support with diligence and patience.  One day we can have a society that will be encouraging rather than dog eat dog.