Instilled Behavior

For the longest time, about 40 years, I behaved in a certain way that promoted the slavery of myself.  The behavior was such that a narcissist could easily recognize and enlist me into their servitude.  I believe natural empaths are susceptible to being molded into involuntary personal servitude.

My past is full of narcissists who wanted to control me.  I had a boss that who found he could depend on me.  I ended up saying yes a lot to his manipulation of the work schedule.  Later I came to find out that he lost his job on some pretty serious charges.  I had a supervisor that wanted to stay in contact as a friend, but I did not feel the same way.  I refused and he was pretty upset which came out as anger.  I had a co-worker who wanted to know where I 'fit in' in the social structure of the workplace.  He had a group of workers who were 'his buddies'.  They would look after each other and despise the rest.  By then I recognized this as a control structure.  So I declined being part of his group.  Actually, looking back on it, that was pretty good for a narcissist to be upfront like that.

This behavior stifled my ambitions.  Though I had the ambition of being management, I could not realize it.  Things would go wrong immediately once I was put in 'charge' of something at work or otherwise.  So I thought of myself as a good supporter of a manager instead.  Now, I'm starting to change in my mind.  In the last 3 years I've taken hold of my empathic nature and shored it up with techniques.  I suppose my mind is becoming free.

Where did this behavior all start for me?  I remember feeling the oppression from men when I was a child in early '70s.  In the absence of their wives, they would enjoy themselves too much.  They would drink, smoke and be in really nice lounges.  I know now that that was the business world back then.  Back then wife beating was not thought of as a crime.  Wives were treated as servants rather than partners.  I abhorred that behavior and chose the servitude behavior instead of the oppressor.  I suppose that makes sense since I was just a child and did not see any different example.

Well, I hope that you, the empath reader, have not suffered the virtual bondage I have at the hands of narcissists.  Dealing with them is important, but more important is knowing yourself.  It's about strategy and how to navigate in this insensitive social and business world.  For non-empaths, I hope you can come to understand how behavior affects empaths and that their helpful nature is not an invitation to control them.

Emotion Literacy

In this analytically society based on reason and science, there are oasis of emotional communication.  Some are bars, sports events, clubs, religious get-togethers, game night, or a dinner party.  At these we let our hair down and say what's on our minds with little consideration of the consequences.  We communicate our fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams.  It seems we need an excuse to communicate emotionally.  What if society communicated emotionally on a daily basis?  What if our fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams could be related every day to our friends, co-workers, and love ones?  Sounds scary?  Well, it could be at first, but I believe it could revolutionize our society.  Opening up communications about our concerns can be very therapeutic.  It can also give new ideas to businesses, shore up risks, and foster synergic efforts.  In order to do this people need to be educated on Emotion Literacy.  Emotion Literacy is all about reading people and their emotional state, interacting withe them using empathy, and build solutions and conclusions out of the conversation.

 How do you read people?  For Empaths it comes naturally to read and listen to people's emotions.  For non-Empaths it may take more of an effort, but it can be done.  The key to reading people is first to shut up and second to consider the other person.  To all my fellow talkers and extroverts, I say with all the love and humility in the world, "SHUT UP!"  When you have someone in front of you, you need to be quiet and listen before speaking.  Knowing when to speak, is a key skill to be heard effectively.  To the introverts I ask to withhold judgment until you get the full message.  Often times people need to vent about something that is causing them stress in their lives.  Listening to them eases that stress.  When you listen to someone remember to take in the whole person, that is not only their words but tone as well, their body language, and their facial expressions.  Empaths also take in the person's emotion since they can feel what the person feels as the conversation progresses.  You may ask yourself what is this person actually saying, and how do I summarize what their message is?  These are key questions to answer as your listening.

How does one interact with Empathy?  This Empathy is 'walking in their shoes'.  This means to imagine going through what they are saying they went through.  How did they feel?  What were the circumstances?  What was the outcome?  What could have been done better?  I think this is also as skill Empaths need to learn.  Empaths naturally will listen and not do much else.  They will feel emotion of the person and thus have a deeper experience in listening, but they tend not to think about how things could have been better.  Yes, this skill normal people call Empathy requires analysis.  You have to use the analytical brain to interpret what is going on and what could be done.  The outcome of using Empathy puts you side by side with the person as a friend, confidant, and guide.  That means there is an amount of responsibility on your part.  The other person most always appreciates any Empathy they can get even if they don't say so.

How do you build solutions and conclusions?  This skill is an active one.  You listen and you submit ideas and opinions.  You also acknowledge all the points of the other person.  You make known the points you agree with.  All the while you keep using both reading and empathy skills.  Where you end up in the conversation may surprise you and the other person as well.  What your doing is building.  You are building up the person and yourself at the same time.

The Emotion Literacy I'm defining here is made up of reading people, using empathy, and actively building.  I just looked up Emotion Literacy and got a wiki page. I believe that what I wrote here is in concert with the definition of that wiki page.  The difference is that I'm giving practical advice to use in an interpersonal communication setting, that is talking to someone one on one.  Like any interpersonal communication skill, using the advice here takes practice.  I believe you would see how effective this is.  I use this on a daily basis with people I meet, and the rewards are many.

Insensitives

Empaths tend to look at insensitives as either sociopaths or psychopaths.  These are labels that belong in the realm of psychology.  Any given self indulgent person could be diagnosed with one of these labels, but I would leave that up to psychologists to decide.  Another label that is thrown around in the Empath circles is psychic vampire.  No professional would diagnose someone as a psychic vampire, and some say there are tall tail signs that someone is a psychic vampire.  Then there are people who are just unaware or blind of other people's feelings.  All of these are insensitives.  What I mean by insensitives is a group of people who do not sense other peoples emotion, and may not acknowledge them.  Have you ever wanted to tell someone, "Hey, I have feelings too?"  If so then you've been dealing with an insensitive.  Insensitives are people.  They are not necessarily evil in nature.  A good insensitive could be your best friend.  I want to spell out what I know what insensitives are like.

Insensitives mostly talk about themselves.  They tend to relate everything to themselves.  This may come across as pure selfishness, but I believe it is the way they can learn about the world around them.  So everything interesting to them is relatable to them.  They may oblige your point of view and be polite, but its not their cup of tea.

Insensitives tend to have love ones for selfish reasons.  They may still live or see daily their parents or children.  They may talk about their family as well.  I believe it's because they get some emotional security out of being around family.  While this may not seem uncommon, insensitives to tend to be around family more than normal or highly sensitive people.

Insensitives have to work at understanding another person's position.  If you have a friend that is an insensitive, you will find that they will try to relate to you by asking questions and engaging in endless conversation.  They may ask your opinions about things or reminisce the past with you.  They need to get understanding via only the five physical senses, which to me is a handicap.  I tend to pity them that way.

One annoying thing that insensitives will do is to be pushy.  This means that their minds are made up and give and take is over.  I find it best to let them be for a while when they get in this mood.  They will return to their inquisitive selves.

This is what I know insenstives are like, that is seemingly selfish, family people,  inquisitive, and pushy.  I have insensitive friends and family members.  I feel that for the most part insensitives can be good people.  Bad ones will try to dominate you.  If genuine respect is there, I don't see any reason why an empath can't have a good friendship with an insensitive.