Lies and Lying

I've been reading an interesting book called Lie Spotting by Pamela Meyer.  The book endeavors to make the reading into a live lie detector.  It's not a long book, but it does it gives some good information about lies and why people lie.  This is stuff most people would not want to discuss in public.  The book is for the public at large.  Pamela Meyer has certainly done her homework.  I get the impression she is a normal human, that is not a highly sensitive person (HSP).  She points out ways normal people use lies, and she assumes all people do the same.  What dawned on me is that HSPs or empaths are not normal people.  We tend to abhor lies.  I'm exploring what empaths attitude is when it comes to white lies, feelings about lying, lies of omission.

Meyer points out in her book that lying is natural when it comes to self defense.  She takes a broad definition of lying to include deception.  She points out that people use white lies on a daily basis.  White lies will include a 'I'm fine' response to a 'How are you today' question.  They also include smiling in public when we feel otherwise.  As an empath, I remember that I had to force myself to say 'I'm fine' instead of going into detail about how I feel and the consequences of it.  I was told to smile at people so to make them feel comfortable.  These white lies do help in the day to day business to keep appearances and appropriate distance from co-workers.  So to a certain extent I do lie, though under protest.  Meyer points out that everyone lies and are lied to on a daily basis.

Empaths feel bad when telling lies.  It's not the best thing in the world to deceive someone, anyone.  I always felt bad telling lies.  That's why I cannot carry a lie too far.  My brain does not want to remember the lies, so it will not allow me to make elaborate ones like some people do or have.  It's very uncomfortable for me even to use an alias in person.  I tried using an alias before but it did not work very well because I would not respond when being addressed by the alias.

Empaths will use lies of omission.  That is, it's easier to say nothing at all than to have to actively lie about something.  I do tend to hold my breath a bit when doing this.  I notice my body tenses up as I let the individual I'm communicating with believe a lie.  It is less uncomfortable than lying outright.

By doing this little exercise of going through attitudes of white lies, feelings about lying, and lies of omission, it seems that empaths do suffer when having to lie.  In a perfect world I would not lie to anyone.  I would but on a face on how I feel all the time, I would get into lengthy conversations when asked questions in the spirit of small talk, and I would tell everyone everything I think they need to know.  Of course, I would make faux pas on a daily basis.  People would be shocked.  Actually they have.  Once I told the truth in a wedding party about one of the members who was not known to be reliable.  They had asked me to be a backup for the best man.  Well, at least that made the unreliable person reliable for the wedding.  It all came out fine.

Shortcircuit Analytics

The last few days I've been preparing for an job interview.   I had it today and I learned something about myself.  Self induced stress can shortcircuit the analytical brain.  I've been in stressful situations before, sometimes I am stressed in them and sometimes not.  I really think it depends what I think about the situation and what to expect.  Fear tends to cause stress in me.  I will share what it did to me and what I did to mitigate the stress.

While in stressful situations feeling stress is normal.  At least that seems to be the common thinking.  Stress comes from fear, and fear can be caused by several things.  You can fear the unknown, or the known.  Fearing the known means you had a bad experience before and you don't want to repeat it.  In my case, I have had bad interviews before.  I also had some good ones.  I just did not want to screw it up.  In the bad interviews I felt stress.  The stress cause me to be rigid, shifty eyed, and scared of my own shadow.  That is not a good recipe for an interview.  In an interview you want to feel loose and comfortable.  That way your answers will flow out and you will have a good time.  It would also be a good experience for he interviewer and that can only work in your favor. 

Going to the interview I felt myself tensing up.  I knew I did not want to be tense.  So I meditated. I did some basic breathing and basic meditation.  No fancy meditation, just what I was comfortable with.  I went into the meeting with a little trepidation, but it was under control.  I had a good conversation with the interviewers.  We talked and laughed.  My brain was picked and I answered confidently and loosely.  Bingo, I made it happen.  I went away from that thanking the Source and my lucky stars.

I gained a small victory for myself today.  I acknowledged the fear, the stress, and the tensing up.  I mitigated that with some meditation.  Then I had a good time.  It's been hours since I had the interview and I still feel good about it.  I tend to criticize myself, but this time that was cut short because of the good feeling.  I may not get the job, but I did master myself and was a good player in conversation.  That is quite valuable in any business.