Inner Self vs Outward Self

The human is a funny individual.  That's funny as in weird.  He/she tends to think of self as two entities, the inner self and the outer self.  This is a big dichotomy in the human experience.  Now you probably already know that, but  it is interesting to note how personal communications get botched for lack of a similar frame of reference.  Where it comes to sensitivity, people's different perception can cause confusion.  People with different levels of sensitivity will levy different importance of the two selves.  For the highly sensitive person (HSP, empath, or sensitive), there is less importance on the outer self since they see people and themselves as a whole, while the non-sensitive will put high importance on the outer self.  This difference in perception can lead to some conflicts and/or misunderstandings.  Let's say a sensitive enters a room and reads the people there.  A non-sensitive is dressed smartly, prim and proper.  Yet the sensitive picks up that the non-sensitive is upset about something and is trying to hide it.  Concerned, the sensitive inquires the other person as to what is bothering them.  The non-sensitive denies that there is anything wrong.  The sensitive bothered by this response tries other attempts at getting the non-sensitive to talk it out.  The non-sensitive who has been trying to keep their cool to not show their hand yells at the sensitive and vehemently asserts that nothing in the world is wrong.  Perhaps some kind of local artifact is bonked on the head of the sensitive for their insolence.  Of course we can see that the non-sensitive contradicts themselves by their actions despite their best efforts.  The way you, as an HSP, can avoid such botches is by acknowledging the situation to yourself, gauging your responses to the non-sensitive so not to blow their cover, and waiting for the non-sensitive to bring up the problem when they feel safe.

Now how do you acknowledge a situation?  The HSP often picks up on situations and gets lots of input on any situation.  The problem arises when you try to sort through the information.  What should your angle be?  In most cases it really won't affect you personally.  Or, it may just affect you indirectly.  A mature adult HSP would try to think of how it affects the other individuals.  So you should think of how your angle would affect the non-sensitive.  Bear in mind that non-sensitives mostly care about themselves.  So, appealing to their ego is a good safe strategy.  You may think that this is wrong.  How could you appeal to the ego of so selfish individuals?  Well, any successful communication has to start with a common frame of reference.  Thus starting off appealing to a non-sensitive's ego can be a useful tool to get them to talk and open up.  Acknowledging the situation is to consider the parties involved and come up with an appropriate strategy.  I mentioned a mature HSP.  What happens with a young HSP?  Well, I will tell you a story from my childhood experience.  While taking a road trip with my parents, we picked up some hitch-hikers.  They were nice people and all, but I thought they could have gotten around better other than hitch-hiking.  So after they got out, I yelled out, "Next time take a taxi."  My father was furious with me about my indiscretion.  I still feel it was the right idea but executed in an immature way.  This is an example of what not to do.

A mature approach to communicating anything wrong you find, as a sensitive with the non-sensitive, would be to gauge your responses so not to blow their cover.  Why do you not want to blow their cover?  By blowing their cover you would be putting them on the defensive, and defensive people are not keen on listening to anyone.  You want to avoid defensiveness.  So in our example, the sensitive could try to approach the non-sensitive in an indirect way.  The sensitive could as a non-committal question like, "Is there something that is bothering you?"  The non-sensitive will either open up or not, but they will feel like they have the option an thus stay in control.   The key here is not to corner the non-sensitive, but give them freedom of choice. 

Waiting for the non-sensitive to feel safe enough to share is important.  They may choose not to open up right away.  If they don't you, as the HSP, have the option to wait or to keep the issue open by saying, "If you need to talk about anything, I'm here."  Though this may not be exactly what you wanted, the benefit would be that the offer is communicated to the non-sensitive, and the relationship is helped. Plus you can avoid the bonk on the head.

Relationships are hard as it is without botches occurring.  Taking care to acknowledge the situation to yourself, to gauge your responses to the non-sensitive so not to blow their cover, and to wait for the non-sensitive to bring up the problem when they feel safe.  The point here is for you, the HSP, to keep a relationship going with a non-sensitive.  When you gauge carefully what you share, the non-sensitive won't feel threatened by your presence, otherwise they may act irrationally such as giving bonks on the head.