Change Your World

We all would like some control over our world.  We would like children that listen to us, parents that don't embrace us, bosses who encourage us, etc.  Dream on, right?  Well, maybe.  I saw a documentary called Killer Stress by National Geographic (2008).  It comfirmed to me what my life has taught me and what people deny.  We don't need an alpha dominate society.  Therefore I say, you can change your world or environment to get it away from alpha domination.  I would like to share with you how this is possible.  I'm going to spell out the problem and give some tips on how to combat it.

First, what do I mean by alpha dominant society?  Well, this can be any size society: from a family to a global organization.  The dominant individuals in a hierarchy are called alphas.  The alphas have subordinates and there are subordinates to the first subordinates and so on.  This apparently happens naturally among primates.  My guess is that it happens in many animal societies.  An alpha dominates its subordinates with violence and fear.  We can see the same thing happen in High School with the action of bullying.  The alpha wants to dominate rather than be dominated.  According to the documentary this causes stress for subordinates which could lead to early death.

Cliques are formed by alphas.  Some cliques become gangs, some become political parties, and some become religions.  Actually they become many things.  In forming a cliques the alpha will recruit people to join in.  Here is my first tip.  Don't join.  Don't play their game.  Play your own game.  If we're going to be evolved humans that think for themselves, we have to act like one.  An evolved society shows mutual support and respect.  Alphas beat down on their subjects whether physically or emotionally.  An evolved society builds up people.  Once you reject the Alphas' proposal, they know you are not under their control.

You should actively pursue mutual support amongst your peers.  Show support to all of them.  Soon you may get support back.  This will take time.  You can show support by actively listening to them, empathizing with them, and respecting their positions.  This shows to all that you have a different thing going on than the established hierarchy.  People will naturally gravitate towards positive support.  Refrain from yelling, or raising your voice.  Give people time to think about things rather than trying to convince people of your point in conversation.  Allow people to have different opinions.  Allow yourself to listen to their points as well.  Using communication wisely is the key to change a society.

Respect all people even when you don't like them.  In an evolved society, respecting everyone is key.  People have wants and needs.  They have a need to be heard, they have a need to be respected, and they have a need to feel safe.  Communicating with them in a respectful way gives them all these needs.  People use violence when they feel threatened.  Removing all threats from your communication will resolve a lot of tension.  There are opponents in history who didn't like each other but respected each other.  General Patton and General Montgomery comes to mind.  These two generals of WWII didn't like each other.  They had very different styles of command.  Yet had to rely on each other in fighting the Germans in North Africa.  Military officers will respect each other even if they may use terms like "fool" to describe each other.  You can respect someone you don't like.  This is very important.  If you disrespect someone your going to start a war, or feed into the alpha hierarchical system.

Understanding the nature of alpha domination, applying 'play your own game', learning to listen, and giving respect are a start of changing a society.  Alpha domination is the default architecture to a chaotic society.  To change society we have apply support with diligence and patience.  One day we can have a society that will be encouraging rather than dog eat dog.

What Is Bullying?

The recent Taft School shooting in California highlights that victims of bullying not only suicide but can kill others as well.  Bullying is a term that's thrown around a lot these days.  Everyone knows what it is, or do we?  We have all been called names, criticized, mocked, laughed at, and so on.  So we think we know what it is.  Most of us have gone through it as children, some go through it all their lives.  There are peoples who have a history of being victims of bullying.  There has been institutionalized bullying.  There are some laws against bullying for some groups of people.  This may sound surprising, but in essence bullying is a message.  That message says, "You are not important."  Let me explain in the following paragraphs.

In childhood, bullying is prevalent.  It usually goes something like this.  One person has a desire to become important among his friends and succeeds.  Someone challenges that person, and consequently they fear not being important.  So, they call the challenger names and ostracize him from the group.  then they proceed to ostracize anyone who looks or acts like the challenger.  They never stop ostracizing.  The ostracized person will develop deep anger and resentment.  At a later time they may act on that anger.  That's a generalized understanding of bullying.

Bullying is not restricted to children.  Adults bully other adults and children.  Employers bully employees.  Those with authority bully those under their charge.  Parents bully children.  Bullying is prevalent throughout society.  It is unfortunately also tolerated.

Institutionalized bullying is bullying in the extreme.  Slavery allows for all kinds of abuse from theft, to torture, to rape, to murder.  The Third Reich ostracized the Jews in the mid 1930's and 1940's.  They ostracized them to the point of genocide.  The Jim Crow laws led to legal ostracization as they promoted segregation.  In these examples people lost their property, dignity, and their lives.  The victims were considered no good for society.

There has been legal consequences to bullying.  One example is when the United States declared its independence from Great Britain.  The Declaration of Independence lists a number of bullying acts committed by Britain on the people of the U.S.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964 abolished the Jim Crow laws in the U.S.  This was the beginning of freedom for the African Americans.  Racism is still a problem, but it is diminishing over time.  We also have American Disabilities Act that established civil right to the physically impaired.  They were ostracized in the workplace and in movement since many buildings didn't accommodate for wheelchairs.  There are other laws as well.  These came about because people were being bullied for being different.  There are now laws against cyberbullying since 2007 in some areas in the U.S.  So far as I know, its the first type of anti-bullying law that applies to everybody.

 What is to be done?  I think stopping bullying starts with yourself.  You must recognize that you are important, regardless of what others say.  You are important to your friends and family.  You are important to people you say 'hi' to every day.  You are important to the shopkeeper when you buy something.  You are important to society at large.  Without you, society is lessened.  Next you need to recognize that other people are important to you.  Those you love and those you don't know are important to you.  Society is important to you.  Your children are important to you.  Next you need to talk to people like they are important to you.  Use respectful words, listen to others, refrain from judging or criticizing, and learn to disagree in an agreeable way.  Guess what?  Its hard.  Its hard to change.  Its also brave.  You will be a better person when you do.  You will get respect once you give it.  There will always be critics.  Count on it.  Teach your children to do the same.  Tell your children how important they are to you.  Victims of bullies and bullies themselves need psychological help.

Bullying is a hideous aspect of humanity.  It does not build character.  It tears down and breaks people.  It was the cause of some of the most hateful times in history.  Violence cause violence.  Bullying is violent even when its just verbal.  Its personal, and its very personal.  Its little wonder that Jesus said to love your enemies (Matthew 5:43).  Bullying was a problem back in the first century too.  I'm a highly sensitive person, why am I concerned with this?  I am concerned with all humanity.  The better everyone feels the better it is for me.  Is that selfish? Yes it is, and I don't apologize for it.  Guess what?  Unless you look after yourself, you cannot look after others.  Looking after others is in effect looking after yourself.

Humans Are Xenophobes

I heard, the other day on the radio, a scientist claiming that humans have more consciousness than plants.  That humans have the most consciousness than all the animals.  To me this smacks of xenophobia.  When xenophobia is used in science fiction, it seems to refer to the fear of other species, namely alien ones.  The true meaning of the word is "an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange" per dictionary.com.  So it has a very broad meaning and implication.  Xenophobia is based on fear, as the name implies.  Fear is a huge driving force for us.  The consequences of this fear extends far and wide in our social lives.  I want to discuss how our definition of consciousness is self serving, how xenophobia repletes our history, and how xenophobia extends to behavioral types.

I cannot say that a tree has more consciousness than I do.  I know they do have consciousness because, as an empath, I can feel it.  In the consciousness wiki, there are some science studies on consciousness.  I think there is a problem with their definition of consciousness.  If you define a consciousness based on humans only with the assumption that humans are the most conscious, then your conclusion would be that humans are the most conscious of all the animals and plants.  Then the conclusion is not a conclusion at all but a bias and an assumption.  Here is the dilemma of science,  that science is based on reasoning, and reasoning is based on language.  Biased assumptions lead to biased conclusions.  I'm afraid that that might be what science has done here.  It's a xenophobic act. Which, of course, is not science at all but just human fear.

Humans have always been xenophobic.  We look at anything or anyone with suspicion if they look or act different than we do. I think we all know this.  Do I have to mention the racism in the United States and in all other countries?  Does Martin Luther King need to give again his "I have a dream" speech?  Decades ago it was not only the color of your skin, but your language and your customs.  Germans against Danish, Italians vs French, etc.  History is replete with examples.  When our fist instinct when we find an unfamiliar animal is to kill it, we are unreasonable.  Cruelty to animals is a xenophobic act.  The other day I saw a semi-truck run over a canada goose without even putting on the breaks.  It made me sick to my stomach.

I dare say the xenophobia also extends to behavioral types.  If you act differently than the crowd, you get labeled.  Terms like nerd and geek were derogatory terms to describe those who weren't sports buffs.  I figure the more insensitive you are to others the more you tend to belittle others for your own ego's satisfaction.  This is the definition of a bully.  I believe bullying is a byproduct of xenophobia.

We looked at how the definition of consciousness is xenophobic, how xenophobia is in our history, and how it extends to behavioral types.  The reason for xenophobia is the fear of the unknown.  The problem with it is that the fear is unreasonable and unfounded.  It's a default response to something new for some people and it shouldn't be.  We need to move beyond it and start analyzing when we encounter a new person or thing. We shouldn't be 'demonizing' it/her/him.  That is what science is for.  That is what critical thinking is for.  This is what education is for.  We should not take new things personally but take steps to understand what it/she/he is all about and find ways to relate to it/her/him.  This is especially true when you encounter people from other race and cultures.  The benefits to understanding are many times more prosperous than refusing to understand.  It's my hope that more people come to this conclusion, that thoughtfulness is a powerful and empowering tool for good.  We should be teaching our children how to go through the process of understanding things.

Obsession or Focus?

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) I tend to get focused on things.  My loved one says I get obsessed about things.  In fact I get so focused that someone could come up to me an startle me.  I usually give out a sudden high pitched sound and jump up.  That sounds kind of crazy.  They always apologize for it but it's really not their fault.  As kids, my brother would do this to me to see me jump.  There was an amount of shame and guilt associated with this.  For years, I did not understand what was going on.  Now, I would like to describe what this concentrating is like and what I do to help my situational awareness.

I've learned to accept that being focused is part of being a HSP or an empath.  I think it's natural for us to think intently on a subject or item that's in front of us and analyze it or read it.  In such a mode, I seem to naturally shut off all other distractions.  It takes someone coming up to me, sometimes closely to break the concentration.  Other times it takes someone talking rather loudly to break the concentration.  Something else is curious about this.  I tend to concentrate on something for a long time.  Several minutes can pass before I break the concentration myself.  The concept of time warps for me in these instances.

One thing I try to do when I concentrate like that is to take a look around every once in a while.  A problem with this is that the concept of time is warped for me.  So I may look around a couple of times a minute or not look around for several minutes.  That's not very consistent.  So, someone could and do still startle me.  Yeah, it's still a problem I'm dealing with.  At least people just shrug it off, especially when I say it's OK after I literally jump out of my concentration.  Sometimes the other person gets scared and I have to assure them.  It may sound comical, but it's really not for me or the other person.

Well, I gave a short description what this concentration is and what I try to do to minimize it's effects.  Living with this all my life can be traumatizing.  A bully can pick up on this situation and have their way with the HSP.  This is pretty much involuntary for me.

Thinking Through Conflicts

I react to people who push my buttons.  I suppose everyone does.  It's hard in such situations. If you've been there, then you know.  When you react to these things, you do what your pre-set 'programming' says to do.  You vigorously defend yourself.  Then afterwords you feel bad about it when you look over the astonished faces of those around you and you have to deal with the aftermath.  It comes as a surprise to you and to them.  How do you deal with this situation could dictate what your relationship to these people will be.  I recommend excusing yourself and getting away to think it over for a couple of hours.  When you do this you will go through many emotions and plausible plans and outcomes.  Let me give you some advice on how to successfully go through this with minimal damage and maybe come out in a positive light.

After getting away and start to think about what happened, you going to go through some shock and anger.  Your imaginings may shock you because your going to think of extremely extreme things to do that may not be totally legal if at all.  When I go through this, this phase always shocks me and I feel embarrassed of the thoughts.  I think its OK to go through this phase as long as you get to the next phase.  I feel that this phase is the hardest because the strongest emotions are coming out.  These emotion seem to be reactionary emotion.  They do have meaning and should not totally be dismissed, but they shouldn't be acted upon.  The point is that you have been hurt.

To get to the next phase, which is an intermediary phase, you have to tell yourself that your hurt and now it's OK, that your safe.  Then you have to tell yourself that there's a better way to deal with the situation.  Next come the thoughts that evaluate your current situation in a broader aspect.  You start identifying the different people involved and those who could get involved.  You start to think of things to tell the authority whether it's your boss, parent, or even police.  In this phase it's good to seek advice from a trusted friend.  This allows you to express what is going on in your life and helps you think through this phase.  You will come up with ways that may be drastic though legal to retaliate and get revenge or even protection.  If you think through these ideas you will find that they will hurt relationships.  Those relationships include the one with the offender (the person who's pushing your buttons), and your relationship with the authority, and your piers or friends.  In the past I have not moved on from this phase and acted on the thoughts and ended relationships drastically.  It is much much better to say NO to these thoughts and move on to the next phase.  The point here is that your identifying all the direct and indirect players and their positions.

This third phase is a rational phase.  This is where your going to come up with your best ideas.  To get here you need to tell yourself that you really don't want to hurt anyone.  Realize that strife begets strife, that is, if you hurt someone chances are they are going to hurt someone and maybe you.  No, hurting is not the answer.  Empaths and highly sensitive people (HSP) generally don't want to hurt people, but rather prefer healing.  The thoughts in this phase may come as some form of communication which can be verbal and/or non-verbal.  You may choose to tell the person who hurt you to stop hurting you.  You have to gauge this though.  You can use words directly, or you can use body language.  That is, you can walk away or disregard the person when you see they are about to push your buttons.  You also can avoid the person for a time, and later find a way to heal the relationship communicating that you were hurt.  What your doing is a form of punishment on the person.  Everyone has authority on their own person.  You choose who you have a relationship with and who you don't want a relationship with and what kind of relationship that is.  I'm not necessarily talking about love, because love involves a mutual agreement to love each other.  This is more of interpersonal relationship.  Whatever you choose you want to choose a thought that first hurts the least amount of people, and hopefully no one at all.  Second, you want that thought to have some benefit to yourself and the other parties.  Then relationships are strengthened and respect is also strengthened.  The point is to find a win-win situation.

Yes, it's hard when people push your buttons.  It's even a sign that your being bullied.  Taking the necessary steps to think through what your going to do and taking time to think through is important.  Getting to the good thought where relationships are strengthened is preferred.  At first you may feel like the perpetrator, but you have to concede that your also a victim.  If your good thought does not work, then you have your other thoughts in the second phase that should work, but relationships won't be helped.  I think when these things happen they give us an opportunity to grow and become stronger and wiser.  Your wounds will heal through this process.  Some wounds though never heal and you carry them with you all your life, but thinking these actions through can minimize those.  This is a serene subject to write about and think about.  Let's not the hurt build up to some grievous action.  Let's mend the broken hearts.

Social Responsibility

In the aftermath of the January 8th 2011 shooting in Tucson Arizona, the political talking heads came out pointing fingers at the opposite side of the Congressional isle.  They insinuated blame to each other for the atrocity.  What they did not do is to take responsibility.  What did I say, take responsibility for a crazy shooter guy actions?  Yes, I said take responsibility, but not for the shooter's actions but for the circumstances of that day.  Ike famously said "the buck stops here" referring to himself as President of the United States.  He took responsibility.  In this case the buck really stops with the boss of the President, the People.  We are the People.  We need to take responsibility.  We the People should take responsibility for the circumstances that brought about the shootings in Tucson Arizona.  I will explore what responsibility means and what it means to us, I will layout the circumstances as far as is known, and I will explore possible solutions to help prevent such an atrocity to occur.

  So we know what in the world we are talking about, let's define responsibility.  In the Dictionary.com (or should we say at Dictionary.com, I figure its a dictionary)  the word responsibility has one meaning of "a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible."  The word responsible has a definition of the same source as "answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management."  You may ask how in the world are we the people managers of the circumstances that day?  Its hard to see the responsibility.  One form of responsibility that has been thrown around is the gun and violent references made in today's political rhetoric.  If that has any part in this incident, its a small one, but it is a circumstance.  Beside the obvious legal issues this incident brings up, there exists the concept of social responsibility which is one of the main responsibilities of every citizen.  Social responsibility includes how we interact with one another, how we argue, and how we do on curtailing violence.  How are regular citizens supposed to curtail violence, isn't that the job for the police?  Every act of violence starts with an idea.  These ideas are anti-social and violent in nature.  How are we doing teaching each other to argue ideas civilly rather than resorting to violence?  Not very good as far as I can see.  How many heated arguments are there going on on the internet today?  How many people cause strife on purpose?  There is a social imbalance there.  Causing anger in people is never without its consequences.  Bullying is a social crime.  Bullying can also be a legal crime when its accompanied with verbal abuse or results in a death.  How many people know how to argue civilly or to walk away from verbal abuse?  Apparently, it's not enough.

What were the pertinent circumstances for the Tucson shooting?  There were good and bad circumstances.  Gabrielle Giffords decided to meet her constituents out side a common supermarket.  This was the main circumstance.  This type of circumstance was set up by the nature of our democratic republic.  The Representative of the People must meet the People in person.  They must interact.  Thus a level of insecurity was accepted.  The political rhetoric had been passionate in the last few months.  The rhetoric included violent imagery and wording.  This can explain a passionate crowd and could have helped the shooter take a gun that day to the scene.  Children were present, namely Christina Taylor Green who was nine years old looking to learn about politics and democracy and to help others by meeting her representative in person.  There was a crowd of people in a limited area which prevented movement.  Finally there came the shooter apparently out of his mind.  I heard that he was suffering form a form of schizophrenia or that he lost his grasp on reality.  The shooter had a gun he purchased legally.  These circumstances I gleaned from hearing news reports.  For many of these circumstances, if they were not present some lives could have been saved.  The circumstance of the crowd and no movement was a sign that there was potential risk present.  Any time you have a crowd there is risk involved.  If the crowd cannot move then the risk is very high.  What if some car ran into that crowd?  They could not move away fast enough.  A car did not run into the crowd but a shooter shot into the crowd and the crowd could not move.  There was risk involved there.  These circumstances came together and aided the result we all saw on January 8th.

Now, what how could have socially responsible citizens preventing all these circumstances from intersecting at the place and time of the shooting?  I cannot argue against Giffords' action of setting up or attending the function in front of the grocery store.  Social responsibility calls for interaction and peaceful communication among people.  Passionate rhetoric can get out of hand.  Social responsibility calls to curb the passion, or encourage to argue civilly and not in extremes.  This could have changed the shooter's mind from even going to the scene that day.  It also might have curbed his thoughts about violence.  Having children present is a touchy subject.  Social responsibility requires the chaperon to continually evaluate the situation for danger.  Was there cause to make the chaperon of Christina Taylor Green suspicious of a dangerous situation.  We could speculate here, but I'd rather leave it with her chaperon that day to judge.  Clearly a protective mindset was called for in similar situations.  About the crowd not being able to move, I feel that the citizens participating in Giffords' event could have asked to move the event over to a more open area.  This type of social responsibility we rarely see.  We want to leave it up to some security personnel.  That day there were no security personnel.  In such a case I believe that responsible citizens can look over the situation  and influence a better setup.  The shooter didn't have a grasp on reality.  Where was his support group?  Perhaps he had none.  He seemed to have some friends on the internet, and you have to wonder how they handled him and each other.  Too often people on the internet provoke other people and bully them or manipulate them for some reaction.  This is not social responsibility, but it's social irresponsibility.  We need to watch out how we treat other people even in impersonal formats like the internet.  Above all empathy could have influenced the shooter to not commit such an event.  To empathize with someone is not to condone them or even to like them, but it can be used to influence them and nudge them in a little different way.  You see if any of these circumstances were nudge in different way the results would have been far less tragic.


Social responsibility includes empathy, caring, being aware of circumstances, acting to reduce risk, being a friend, and a myriad of other things.  These things culminate in interacting with other people and not keeping to yourself nor just look out for number one.  As tragic the shooting in Tucson was, there have been other tragic situations in the past and there will be in the future.  If we are socially responsible we can minimize the effects of these situations.  Those who are socially responsible we end up calling heroes.  Heroes of that day were pointed out by President Obama in his speech to Tucson and the nation.

Here is his speech in its entirety from PBS: