What Is Bullying?

The recent Taft School shooting in California highlights that victims of bullying not only suicide but can kill others as well.  Bullying is a term that's thrown around a lot these days.  Everyone knows what it is, or do we?  We have all been called names, criticized, mocked, laughed at, and so on.  So we think we know what it is.  Most of us have gone through it as children, some go through it all their lives.  There are peoples who have a history of being victims of bullying.  There has been institutionalized bullying.  There are some laws against bullying for some groups of people.  This may sound surprising, but in essence bullying is a message.  That message says, "You are not important."  Let me explain in the following paragraphs.

In childhood, bullying is prevalent.  It usually goes something like this.  One person has a desire to become important among his friends and succeeds.  Someone challenges that person, and consequently they fear not being important.  So, they call the challenger names and ostracize him from the group.  then they proceed to ostracize anyone who looks or acts like the challenger.  They never stop ostracizing.  The ostracized person will develop deep anger and resentment.  At a later time they may act on that anger.  That's a generalized understanding of bullying.

Bullying is not restricted to children.  Adults bully other adults and children.  Employers bully employees.  Those with authority bully those under their charge.  Parents bully children.  Bullying is prevalent throughout society.  It is unfortunately also tolerated.

Institutionalized bullying is bullying in the extreme.  Slavery allows for all kinds of abuse from theft, to torture, to rape, to murder.  The Third Reich ostracized the Jews in the mid 1930's and 1940's.  They ostracized them to the point of genocide.  The Jim Crow laws led to legal ostracization as they promoted segregation.  In these examples people lost their property, dignity, and their lives.  The victims were considered no good for society.

There has been legal consequences to bullying.  One example is when the United States declared its independence from Great Britain.  The Declaration of Independence lists a number of bullying acts committed by Britain on the people of the U.S.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964 abolished the Jim Crow laws in the U.S.  This was the beginning of freedom for the African Americans.  Racism is still a problem, but it is diminishing over time.  We also have American Disabilities Act that established civil right to the physically impaired.  They were ostracized in the workplace and in movement since many buildings didn't accommodate for wheelchairs.  There are other laws as well.  These came about because people were being bullied for being different.  There are now laws against cyberbullying since 2007 in some areas in the U.S.  So far as I know, its the first type of anti-bullying law that applies to everybody.

 What is to be done?  I think stopping bullying starts with yourself.  You must recognize that you are important, regardless of what others say.  You are important to your friends and family.  You are important to people you say 'hi' to every day.  You are important to the shopkeeper when you buy something.  You are important to society at large.  Without you, society is lessened.  Next you need to recognize that other people are important to you.  Those you love and those you don't know are important to you.  Society is important to you.  Your children are important to you.  Next you need to talk to people like they are important to you.  Use respectful words, listen to others, refrain from judging or criticizing, and learn to disagree in an agreeable way.  Guess what?  Its hard.  Its hard to change.  Its also brave.  You will be a better person when you do.  You will get respect once you give it.  There will always be critics.  Count on it.  Teach your children to do the same.  Tell your children how important they are to you.  Victims of bullies and bullies themselves need psychological help.

Bullying is a hideous aspect of humanity.  It does not build character.  It tears down and breaks people.  It was the cause of some of the most hateful times in history.  Violence cause violence.  Bullying is violent even when its just verbal.  Its personal, and its very personal.  Its little wonder that Jesus said to love your enemies (Matthew 5:43).  Bullying was a problem back in the first century too.  I'm a highly sensitive person, why am I concerned with this?  I am concerned with all humanity.  The better everyone feels the better it is for me.  Is that selfish? Yes it is, and I don't apologize for it.  Guess what?  Unless you look after yourself, you cannot look after others.  Looking after others is in effect looking after yourself.

Accounting For Weakness

Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Petreus, and a host of other powerful men have had their infidelities plastered all over the press.  More often than not these type of men have affairs in our society.  I don't doubt that there are powerful women who have affairs as well, but seem to not manage affairs well.  Sometimes our weaknesses get the better of us and we do wrong things.  This gives rise to the question, 'how do you manage weakness?'.  Let's look at some weaknesses, and how to manage them.

Everyone has weaknesses that need to be addressed in some fashion.  It seems that people these days major on their strengths and minor on their weakness.  I suppose some even ignore their weaknesses.  Other people, on the other hand, have no choice but to account for theirs.  Many weaknesses are of a personal nature.  How people manage their sexuality is a common one.  By nature, sexuality is supposed to be private.  These days, we understand that there are a variety of sexual lifestyles.  Most of them would abhor any one individual because were so diverse as a society.  Some sexual lifestyles are illegal, and some sexual acts are illegal.  People should find ways to keep their sexuality private and legal.  For some keeping things private is hard because there are people who pry for both personal and professional interests.  Romance is another area of weakness.  Some romance is fine to see in the right public setting.  Sometimes people are offended by public displays of affection.  People do tend to personalize the things they see.  I would avoid romance at work altogether.  I try to keep romance private or semi-private as well.  The less people know about your weakness, the higher they think of you.  There are weaknesses of a medical nature.  These society endures but prefers not to see.  How you take your pills shouldn't be public knowledge.  Talking about how gross your wound is might offend someone.  Some weaknesses are simple hygiene.  Wiping your nose on your sleeve is offensive in public.  Smelling in any way is offensive in public.  Too much perfume is offensive in public.  Contrary to the belief of some, perfume does not take away bad smell, it just adds more smell.  Sometimes just soap is not enough to take away bad smells.  You may have to use a disinfectant.  Some weaknesses are behavioral.  Touching a person in anyway may deemed offensive.  Many jokes are offensive.  Be very careful when it comes to joking.  Fights have started on a off color joke, and law suits have been filed for some as well.  Not smiling when someone smiles at you or not waiving when someone waives at you could be deemed offensive.  This is not to point fingers at anyone or for anyone to point fingers.  We all suffer from many of these weaknesses and more.

Weakness does not go away after it's addressed, it must be worked on continuously.  Making habits that compensate for weaknesses is a good idea.  Communicating in a good way is a habit that everyone needs to work on.  Cleaning yourself and dressing yourself appropriately are daily habits to develop.  Habits as to when and where to practice your sexuality and romance are just as important.  For the high profile people, it costs them a lot of money when they get caught.  What will it cost you?  Continual self evaluation is a must to keep face and a job let alone advancing these days.  I'm not talking about abstaining either.  The more you bottle up a need the more lightly it will explode at a later date.  No, it's better to manage it often.  If we have a desire to show violence, we play a game, or watch a movie, or read a violent book.  We don't go out causing fights.  In other words we let our minds simulate what we need emotionally.

Identifying your own weaknesses and learning how to manage them is important.  Though most people are not high profile or in the news often, it's still important to keep your weaknesses in check.  Even though you may not notice them, everyone you come in contact with will.

Precious Human Value

Value is a common word.  It's a word we use to describe something in a quantitative way.  I want to talk about the innate human value of everyone.  I use value instead of worth because worth has some negativity associated with it, such as "What's your worth?" or "How worthy are you?" or "Your worthless".  I feel value is impartial.  I'm taking you to the core definition of human value, then the past and present that shows our disregard for life, and then talk about championing human value.

Vietnam War Boat People

In this age of information,  we understand how computers work and often make comparisons between computers and the brain.  Sci-fi stories like the Matrix raise the question if we are in a simulation or not, and if we were, we would never know going about our own lives.  Therefore, our best understanding of our basic existence is 'Cognito ergo sum,' which translates into, 'I think therefore I am.'  It's a definition of ourselves that highlights the greatness of our reasoning and our sheer ineptness to affirm our own existence.  It does something else though; it shows our value as individuals to understand, change, build, destroy, and have emotional responses to the world we live in.  Now it's a statement that we more often than not apply personally.  Now consider that every human on the planet thinks.  If they think, they are.  They all have value.  They all have the same value as I do or as you do.  This is the beginning of compassion.  Their fate should be the same as mine.  The better the fate, the better for all.

If we think about how many people have died in wars, in accidents, in suicides; we can understand how lives have been extinguished before their time.  37,000,000 died in World War I, 60,000,000 died in World War II,  1,035,585 died in Vietnam War, around 2,000,000 died in the Soviet Afghanistan war, and around 14,700 and counting have died in the U.S. Afghanistan war.  There are countless wars; each with their own death count.  These wars are fought over ideologies.  We seem to adopt the notion 'Cognito ergo occidere,' which means 'I think therefore I kill.'  If we all really thought, we'd wouldn't be doing this.  If we considered that all have the same value, we would find other ways to solve issues.  What is the value of these people who died?  Well, instead of reaping the fruits of a free life and giving back to society, their value is to teach us to change.  Let it not be for nothing.

I like to talk about championing human value.  Yet, I find myself at a loss to understand how.  I suppose it starts small.  Kindness is a common word.  It's a word we take for granted.  When your kind to someone you show them that they are valuable to you.  We like to think of ourselves as kind.  We should evaluate ourselves though.  How kind are you to that shop person who is not giving you what you want?  How kind are you to the teammate on your team who is opposing you?  How kind to that person who just made fun of you and you don't like it?  As a highly sensitive person, I see a lot of frustration.  It's at work, it's in the stores, and it's at home.  Frustration can lead to anger, and anger can lead to violence.  Kindness can temper frustration.  Showing someone their value to them.

Examining what human value is shines bright in the darkness of our devastation of it.  Taking ownership of it anew and starting to show kindness to later take bigger steps is important.  We are in an era of post world wars.  Europe does not make war among its nations anymore.  Dialog has taken over.  The middle east seeks freedom.  The world is changing.  The change will be permanent.  Weapons will lessen.  We can help usher the change by being kind.

Work, Keeping It Superficial

The work environment is very different than any personal environment we're in.  The interpersonal communications are different as well.  For the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP, empath), it can be a minefield.  People don't communicate what they feel but communicate what is necessary for the job and to maintain work relationships.  That's the problem.  A work relationship is much different than a personal relationship.  You talk to people, you know how they work, and you work with them, but you don't know them or who they really are.  So that's what your interpersonal communication has to operate in.  Let's see how this poses problems for the HSP and what can be done.  These are general suggestions based on my own experience.

Try not to be too personal.  This is probably the worst problem to overcome with the HSP.  We tend to pick up the nuances in behavior and in brain waives.  We pickup so much information that we can be intimidating to anyone we work with.  It's better to keep that information under your hat.  We also like to know about people and like to interact with people on a personal level.  We have to restrain ourselves from that preference.  It's best to keep communications to a minimal and with light meaning.  That's hard.  We like to get to the root of things and tend to dislike the superficial conversations.  Some of us are even extroverts and like to converse a lot, others, are introverts and like to communicate meaningful things.  The key here is to keep emotional distance from co-workers.  You have to work with everyone and not everyone appreciates personal communication from people like us.

In a work environment it's common to be made fun of.  When this happens to you as an HSP, try to not react to it.  It's considered light fun though it may not feel like it at the time.  Certain characters will take it to the extreme, and it's better not to give them any fuel.  If you can, just find an exit.  It's not worth staying in an environment that is emotionally hostile.  Don't react in kind.  You really want to put your best foot forward.  When you give respect you get respect, but it takes time.

We talked about what not to do.  Now let's talk about what to do with all that pent up energy we absorb at the workplace as HSPs.  Here is what I recommend to do several times during the workday.  Take 4 deep breaths, and with each exhale, use some intent (manifestation, or will) to push out the energy you've absorbed.  Then, reason your current situation at work.  This will help bring down the anxiety level.  You can also be diligent about taking breaks.  Make sure you talk to your supervisor about breaks.  This will help establish your needs with your boss.  You can establish your needs with your coworkers by the way you act.  If you do it vocally, some people will try to argue with you.  You need to avoid arguments.  Anytime you have a serious problem, go to your supervisor.  There are no real friends at work.

For HSPs, the work environment can be naturally hostile.  Knowing how to be reserved and knowing how what to do is important to keep you job.  Eventually, your coworkers will get used to you and move on their attention to something else.  When a new person comes in, you may want to revisit your ways of being reserved.  Jobs are scarce.  It's best to keep yours.

Patience

 Patience is said to be a virtue.  Highly Sensitive People and Empaths are patient listeners.  It's one of the very special gifts that make interpersonal communication so enjoyable.  You can ask yourself how does patience help me in my interpersonal communication and how does it make me feel?  I'm going to explore how patience in interpersonal communication is a power for uplifting emotion.

In law enforcement there's the idea of letting people talk things out.  This requires patience.  Police are usually involved in talking to people who are emotionally charged.  Letting people talk it out helps them sort out the situation mentally.  Sometimes as an empath, I talk to people in regular situations that are passionate about a subject.  Their voice gets louder, they may talk faster, and/or they may have a more active body language.  I let them talk it out until they seem calmer.  Often they appreciate just the listening.  I don't choose these times as a time to argue so I avoid contradicting them.  That includes holding my opinion about the subject.  You might think that this somehow invalidates or ignores my opinion.  On the contrary, I feel it opens the person up to listen to my point of view since I was kind enough to listen to theirs.  As a result, a feeling of friendship and respect develops.  If you have trouble making your point of view known, or your view is not well received, try some patience with your audience.

I love how patience can change your life around.  Judith Orloff's article on patience emphasizes how patience is a powerful tool, though some people may look at it as weakness.  I know a type of person who will try and try to manipulate a highly sensitive person like me into doing whatever they say.  This person does not practice patience but the opposite, they practice urgency.  That is, they make you feel like you have to act now without thinking through the situation.   This is a mean trap.  Listening and being patient without reacting can help you avoid this trap.  I also use other techniques in such situations, like emotionally detaching from the individual.  It's really quite dangerous falling in such traps, because these people will make you their slaves if you let them.  In extreme cases, physical distance can be a good defense.  Using patience can protect you and can help the other person change if they are willing.  You don't have to point out that they need to change it will be evident to them naturally because of the feelings that patience on your part creates in them.

Patiently hearing out someone creates a bond of friendship.  This bond of friendship is spurred by respect you've shown by being patient in listening.  People have very few opportunities to be heard, and it's an innate need for all humans.  The right of free speech is an example of the need to be heard, to be listened to.  Parliament is derived from talking.  That's what legislatures are all about, talk or to be heard.  This is how we get our laws for our societies.  Likewise, being heard is how we derive at rules for ourselves and form ideas about personal situations.  Patience is essential for interpersonal communication to be uplifting.  Have you ever heard people arguing before?  They tend to interrupt one another.  This interruption just perpetuates frustration for both sides.  When one side is patient to listen without judgment, then the other usually reciprocates the courtesy and they both get heard.  Even if they disagree, they can walk away from the conversation feeling uplifted.

I looked at patience in interpersonal communication.  Being patient to let people talk and counter unreasonable urgency meets the need of people to be heard.  Patience is quite a power.

Thinking Through Conflicts

I react to people who push my buttons.  I suppose everyone does.  It's hard in such situations. If you've been there, then you know.  When you react to these things, you do what your pre-set 'programming' says to do.  You vigorously defend yourself.  Then afterwords you feel bad about it when you look over the astonished faces of those around you and you have to deal with the aftermath.  It comes as a surprise to you and to them.  How do you deal with this situation could dictate what your relationship to these people will be.  I recommend excusing yourself and getting away to think it over for a couple of hours.  When you do this you will go through many emotions and plausible plans and outcomes.  Let me give you some advice on how to successfully go through this with minimal damage and maybe come out in a positive light.

After getting away and start to think about what happened, you going to go through some shock and anger.  Your imaginings may shock you because your going to think of extremely extreme things to do that may not be totally legal if at all.  When I go through this, this phase always shocks me and I feel embarrassed of the thoughts.  I think its OK to go through this phase as long as you get to the next phase.  I feel that this phase is the hardest because the strongest emotions are coming out.  These emotion seem to be reactionary emotion.  They do have meaning and should not totally be dismissed, but they shouldn't be acted upon.  The point is that you have been hurt.

To get to the next phase, which is an intermediary phase, you have to tell yourself that your hurt and now it's OK, that your safe.  Then you have to tell yourself that there's a better way to deal with the situation.  Next come the thoughts that evaluate your current situation in a broader aspect.  You start identifying the different people involved and those who could get involved.  You start to think of things to tell the authority whether it's your boss, parent, or even police.  In this phase it's good to seek advice from a trusted friend.  This allows you to express what is going on in your life and helps you think through this phase.  You will come up with ways that may be drastic though legal to retaliate and get revenge or even protection.  If you think through these ideas you will find that they will hurt relationships.  Those relationships include the one with the offender (the person who's pushing your buttons), and your relationship with the authority, and your piers or friends.  In the past I have not moved on from this phase and acted on the thoughts and ended relationships drastically.  It is much much better to say NO to these thoughts and move on to the next phase.  The point here is that your identifying all the direct and indirect players and their positions.

This third phase is a rational phase.  This is where your going to come up with your best ideas.  To get here you need to tell yourself that you really don't want to hurt anyone.  Realize that strife begets strife, that is, if you hurt someone chances are they are going to hurt someone and maybe you.  No, hurting is not the answer.  Empaths and highly sensitive people (HSP) generally don't want to hurt people, but rather prefer healing.  The thoughts in this phase may come as some form of communication which can be verbal and/or non-verbal.  You may choose to tell the person who hurt you to stop hurting you.  You have to gauge this though.  You can use words directly, or you can use body language.  That is, you can walk away or disregard the person when you see they are about to push your buttons.  You also can avoid the person for a time, and later find a way to heal the relationship communicating that you were hurt.  What your doing is a form of punishment on the person.  Everyone has authority on their own person.  You choose who you have a relationship with and who you don't want a relationship with and what kind of relationship that is.  I'm not necessarily talking about love, because love involves a mutual agreement to love each other.  This is more of interpersonal relationship.  Whatever you choose you want to choose a thought that first hurts the least amount of people, and hopefully no one at all.  Second, you want that thought to have some benefit to yourself and the other parties.  Then relationships are strengthened and respect is also strengthened.  The point is to find a win-win situation.

Yes, it's hard when people push your buttons.  It's even a sign that your being bullied.  Taking the necessary steps to think through what your going to do and taking time to think through is important.  Getting to the good thought where relationships are strengthened is preferred.  At first you may feel like the perpetrator, but you have to concede that your also a victim.  If your good thought does not work, then you have your other thoughts in the second phase that should work, but relationships won't be helped.  I think when these things happen they give us an opportunity to grow and become stronger and wiser.  Your wounds will heal through this process.  Some wounds though never heal and you carry them with you all your life, but thinking these actions through can minimize those.  This is a serene subject to write about and think about.  Let's not the hurt build up to some grievous action.  Let's mend the broken hearts.

Communicating Space To Avoid Anger

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) need space or alone time.  Most all HSP psychologists and coaches agree on this such as Dr Judith Orloff.  Then they also have a hard time with putting someone out for fear of being misunderstood.  It's also not in their nature to put someone out either.  As a result, they do not assert their need of space among their friends and family, and consequently suffer.  As a HSP myself, I would like to share what I go through when I don't communicate the need, and would like to share how it's possible to make the need known agreeably.

Many, many years ago, I became quite religious.  I had a guy who followed me in religious studies.  I felt he followed me too closely and I really felt confined, even claustrophobic.  Then, I had no idea I was a HSP or empath, nor what it meant.  The friendship ended abruptly with me confronting him with anger and frustration.  I always regretted that.  Throughout my life I have experienced many emotional verbal fights and a lot of them can be attributed to my feeling confined.  I really had no idea how to handle the situation.

Unfortunately it took me just recently to find out first hand how to handle the situation.  I had to do this with another friend.  You see, when I feel confined like this I want to get out so bad.  I just want to escape.  I cornered a geko once in a corner and it reacted very forcefully opening its mouth wide and taking a fighting stance.  I also cornered a horse and the resulting behavior was much the same.  It's no different with us.  The way to let people know how you feel is to take them aside.  Explain that you need space and time alone.  Explain that it's not because of them and that you value the friendship/relationship.  They might be taken by surprise, but they will most lightly agree to your terms. The reason is that it doesn't affect them.  Most people are motivated on the selfish level.  That's awful to say, I know, but when you think about it it's true.  Keeping their self esteem intact will usually allow them to agree.

If you doing what I have done and causing strife in your relationships because you feel confined, stop.  Taking the time and courage to share with them your need should do wonders.  Once you do this your anger and frustration will dissipate.  I believe that HSPs are better off fostering strong relationships.

Understanding Emotion

How should we, as a society, understand emotion?  Why am I asking this question?  We take emotion for granted without really studying it.  We have moments of fear, happiness, sadness, joy, jealousy, elation, and many more emotions.  But what is emotion?  In the 1960's science fiction played with the entity that had no emotion, they also played with entities that could feel other people's emotion.  Emotion has been on people's brains for a long time.  There are a great many theories of emotion in the medical and psychological fields.  Just check out the wiki on emotion.  Seeing that it is a subject that is studied and used in so many fields would lead you to believe that emotion is innate to humans, and you would be right, but lacking.  Why would you be lacking?  As an empath, I see that animals and plants also have emotion, and that emotion lingers in places where people use to be.  In my experiences, I came to the conclusion that emotion is a language of its own.  It is a language of this universe.  I want to discuss my experiences with emotion in the areas of space-time, telepathy, and sharing emotion with other entities to show how I understand emotion as a highly sensitive person.  Here is a warning, this has nothing to do with science as our society understands it today.

Emotion is energy.  Energy exists in space-time. Like lingering footprints in the forest, emotion lingers in places.  When you enter in a room, do you feel the atmosphere?  I feel the atmosphere of an office, and its different than that of a movie-theater, which in turn is different than that of a stage theater. Depending on what goes on in a room will dictate the emotion.  These are rooms that have the same thing go on in them day after day and night after night.  Once I did an experiment.  I stood outside a building and closed my eyes and got into a meditative state.  I then focused on the building and counted people I sensed in a large room.  I then went inside and check for the results and I was right.  I was able to count the people currently in the room with my eyes closed.  The experience was interesting because in sensing the people they were like blobs or mounds of emotion.  When I counted I counted each mound.  The rest of the room had emotion as well but of a lesser degree so the people stood out.  Another time I wondered how we can pick up on emotion that is on a different time.  If you remember some fond memory, you feel what you felt back then.  Sometimes you can smell what you smelt back then.  If you read about a historical figure and then focus on that person and an incident, you start to get some feelings.  I believe we can pick up the emotion of those in the past even if we did not experience them ourselves.  Two specific incidents that easily conjure up emotion are the sinking of the Titanic and the first flight at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.  Anyone can immediately pinpoint the time, the place, and even the emotion with those events.  Excitement and awe at Kitty Hawk.  Sadness, anger, duty at the Titanic.  Both have a sense of trepidation.  It's just like being there.  This is what I mean when I say emotion exists in space-time.  Many say, 'I wish I could go back to that time and place and witness.'  For sensitives, the brain is a time machine.  In this way, I concur with the movie Somewhere in Time, which is a story of a man finding love in a timeslip.  I don't think interaction is possible this way but observing the past is by experiencing the emotion of the past.

Telepahy, is defined as communication between minds by some means other than sensory perception.  We  have some fanciful ways of thinking what telepathy is in practice thanks to television shows and movies.  The way I have experienced telepathy is by communicating with plants, animals, and suggestive messages.  At this point I understand if you think I'm out of my mind and that such things are not possible.  Not everyone acknowledges these things.  In this area is where I realized that emotion is truly a language.  I had had communication with trees, that is putting my back against them and just listen to their emotion.  I did find out that sick trees feel sour, and bigger trees in are stronger than their surrounding smaller trees.  The other thing that I found out is that time for trees is much much longer than for people.  I shan't go into details of my communications with trees at the risk of sounding even more bizarre than I do.  One night I was walking when I got a sensational chill down my spine.  I stopped and wondered what it was.  I looked around and there was a cat staring at me.  It occurred to me that the chill came from the cat.  I sent a telepathic message saying hi.  I got another chill in response.  I couldn't make out the message of the cat.  I suppose it uses a different style of language than I do.  My telepathy is English riding on emotion.  To linguist that may not sound right, but to people who have studied radio waves and frequencies that makes sense.  You see you can have a radio program in different human languages, but the language that the radio understands is the that of radio waves.  The radio on the other hand doesn't interpret video signal on the radio waves.  I suppose its the same difference between humans and cats as it is between audio signals and video signals.  Now with humans, telepathy is interesting.  I have not sat down in one room and tried to telepathically communicate with another person in another room.  Instead, I have sent suggestive messages via telepathy. The messages I send out are real short and to people that I can see.  For example in grocery stores, I typically would tell someone I'm coming up to that I'm going a certain route and if they could get out of the way.  They usually do.  I've noticed that normal people can get the messages, if they are open to them.  The ones that don't get the message are usually non-sensitives, that is those who are not sensitive at all.  It is rather fun sending out a quick message and seeing that a person gets it and responds accordingly.

Another way I understanding emotion is by sharing it.  For instance, I already mentioned that I put my back against a tree and feel its emotion.  In that instance I'm sharing the emotion of the tree.  The effect is that it helps me calm down.  Even when I detach from the tree I still feel the lingering emotion in me.  I also share in the emotion of other people.  If a person is excited then I get excited.  If they get angry, I get angry.  Most of this is involuntary as it is for most highly sensitive people.  I share the emotion of a room of people whether it's a concert, theater, or a meeting.  In crowds I get exited because of all the emotion floating around.  When I feel safe around people I will let their emotion flow through me, but when I feel threatened I will put up a shield.  This sharing emotions is innate in highly sensitive people.

So I shared how I experience emotion in the areas of space-time, telepathy, and sharing emotion.  Everyone is different.  Your experiences are probably different than mine.  I just wish the rest of the world would learn to understand how emotion works so we would stop stepping on each-others' toes.

Inner Self vs Outward Self

The human is a funny individual.  That's funny as in weird.  He/she tends to think of self as two entities, the inner self and the outer self.  This is a big dichotomy in the human experience.  Now you probably already know that, but  it is interesting to note how personal communications get botched for lack of a similar frame of reference.  Where it comes to sensitivity, people's different perception can cause confusion.  People with different levels of sensitivity will levy different importance of the two selves.  For the highly sensitive person (HSP, empath, or sensitive), there is less importance on the outer self since they see people and themselves as a whole, while the non-sensitive will put high importance on the outer self.  This difference in perception can lead to some conflicts and/or misunderstandings.  Let's say a sensitive enters a room and reads the people there.  A non-sensitive is dressed smartly, prim and proper.  Yet the sensitive picks up that the non-sensitive is upset about something and is trying to hide it.  Concerned, the sensitive inquires the other person as to what is bothering them.  The non-sensitive denies that there is anything wrong.  The sensitive bothered by this response tries other attempts at getting the non-sensitive to talk it out.  The non-sensitive who has been trying to keep their cool to not show their hand yells at the sensitive and vehemently asserts that nothing in the world is wrong.  Perhaps some kind of local artifact is bonked on the head of the sensitive for their insolence.  Of course we can see that the non-sensitive contradicts themselves by their actions despite their best efforts.  The way you, as an HSP, can avoid such botches is by acknowledging the situation to yourself, gauging your responses to the non-sensitive so not to blow their cover, and waiting for the non-sensitive to bring up the problem when they feel safe.

Now how do you acknowledge a situation?  The HSP often picks up on situations and gets lots of input on any situation.  The problem arises when you try to sort through the information.  What should your angle be?  In most cases it really won't affect you personally.  Or, it may just affect you indirectly.  A mature adult HSP would try to think of how it affects the other individuals.  So you should think of how your angle would affect the non-sensitive.  Bear in mind that non-sensitives mostly care about themselves.  So, appealing to their ego is a good safe strategy.  You may think that this is wrong.  How could you appeal to the ego of so selfish individuals?  Well, any successful communication has to start with a common frame of reference.  Thus starting off appealing to a non-sensitive's ego can be a useful tool to get them to talk and open up.  Acknowledging the situation is to consider the parties involved and come up with an appropriate strategy.  I mentioned a mature HSP.  What happens with a young HSP?  Well, I will tell you a story from my childhood experience.  While taking a road trip with my parents, we picked up some hitch-hikers.  They were nice people and all, but I thought they could have gotten around better other than hitch-hiking.  So after they got out, I yelled out, "Next time take a taxi."  My father was furious with me about my indiscretion.  I still feel it was the right idea but executed in an immature way.  This is an example of what not to do.

A mature approach to communicating anything wrong you find, as a sensitive with the non-sensitive, would be to gauge your responses so not to blow their cover.  Why do you not want to blow their cover?  By blowing their cover you would be putting them on the defensive, and defensive people are not keen on listening to anyone.  You want to avoid defensiveness.  So in our example, the sensitive could try to approach the non-sensitive in an indirect way.  The sensitive could as a non-committal question like, "Is there something that is bothering you?"  The non-sensitive will either open up or not, but they will feel like they have the option an thus stay in control.   The key here is not to corner the non-sensitive, but give them freedom of choice. 

Waiting for the non-sensitive to feel safe enough to share is important.  They may choose not to open up right away.  If they don't you, as the HSP, have the option to wait or to keep the issue open by saying, "If you need to talk about anything, I'm here."  Though this may not be exactly what you wanted, the benefit would be that the offer is communicated to the non-sensitive, and the relationship is helped. Plus you can avoid the bonk on the head.

Relationships are hard as it is without botches occurring.  Taking care to acknowledge the situation to yourself, to gauge your responses to the non-sensitive so not to blow their cover, and to wait for the non-sensitive to bring up the problem when they feel safe.  The point here is for you, the HSP, to keep a relationship going with a non-sensitive.  When you gauge carefully what you share, the non-sensitive won't feel threatened by your presence, otherwise they may act irrationally such as giving bonks on the head.

Insensitivity

Insensitivity is rampant in our society.  We tolerate narcissists and bullies.  We develop some bad learned behaviors as a result.  Pushing, screaming, shouting and other behavior stem from anger.  The anger is because we feel we're not listened to.  These learned behaviors we pass on to our children as they grow, and they in turn pass them on to their children.  We tend to be inconsiderate of peoples' feelings, desires, and needs.  We are led to believe that we have free reign over anyone who says yes to our smallest request.  There are three ways you can counter the insensitivity in yourself once you realize you need to.  The three ways are meditation, listen to people, and considering their situation.

Daily meditation helps stop the bad behavior.  Simple basic meditation is all that is needed to calm and quieten your mind.  Once the mind is quiet, then teaching it new things can begin. You can tell yourself what is OK and what is not OK.  For instance, you can tell yourself that it's OK to feel anger, but it's not OK to take anger out on someone.  In this way you can calm your nerves as well, and refocus.  If you have too much energy, push it out of yourself as you meditate.  Let the world at large absorb it.

Listening to people is key for healing.  When your talking to someone, do not only listen with your ears, but with your eyes, and feelings as well.  Take in the verbal and the non-verbal communication.  What is his/her face like, what are his/her hands doing, and what story is his/her body motion telling?  If your a sensitive or empath, read what their feelings are.  Take the whole person in.  It's important to not respond with anger.  You can have strong energy, but be mindful of how the other person reacts to it.  Above all, learn to acknowledge what they are saying with nods and saying the occasional 'yes'.  You might want to repeat what they are saying to you so you both know you have the message clear.

Consider the situation of the person your talking to.  I mean, see it from their point of view.  Then tell them what your seeing.  They may brighten up and appreciate that you indeed understand them.  Once you do this then usually something magical happens.  They start to listen to you.  You get to share your point of view, whether you agree or disagree with theirs.

Using meditation, listening, and empathy can help turn around those bad behaviors.  You can become a great communicator.  If someones verbal, non-verbal, and emotional communication do not agree, do not trust what they are saying.  When people are honest all their communication ways agree.  This is about retraining yourself after being affected by the narcissists and bullies.  You can only make yourself better.

Emotion Literacy

In this analytically society based on reason and science, there are oasis of emotional communication.  Some are bars, sports events, clubs, religious get-togethers, game night, or a dinner party.  At these we let our hair down and say what's on our minds with little consideration of the consequences.  We communicate our fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams.  It seems we need an excuse to communicate emotionally.  What if society communicated emotionally on a daily basis?  What if our fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams could be related every day to our friends, co-workers, and love ones?  Sounds scary?  Well, it could be at first, but I believe it could revolutionize our society.  Opening up communications about our concerns can be very therapeutic.  It can also give new ideas to businesses, shore up risks, and foster synergic efforts.  In order to do this people need to be educated on Emotion Literacy.  Emotion Literacy is all about reading people and their emotional state, interacting withe them using empathy, and build solutions and conclusions out of the conversation.

 How do you read people?  For Empaths it comes naturally to read and listen to people's emotions.  For non-Empaths it may take more of an effort, but it can be done.  The key to reading people is first to shut up and second to consider the other person.  To all my fellow talkers and extroverts, I say with all the love and humility in the world, "SHUT UP!"  When you have someone in front of you, you need to be quiet and listen before speaking.  Knowing when to speak, is a key skill to be heard effectively.  To the introverts I ask to withhold judgment until you get the full message.  Often times people need to vent about something that is causing them stress in their lives.  Listening to them eases that stress.  When you listen to someone remember to take in the whole person, that is not only their words but tone as well, their body language, and their facial expressions.  Empaths also take in the person's emotion since they can feel what the person feels as the conversation progresses.  You may ask yourself what is this person actually saying, and how do I summarize what their message is?  These are key questions to answer as your listening.

How does one interact with Empathy?  This Empathy is 'walking in their shoes'.  This means to imagine going through what they are saying they went through.  How did they feel?  What were the circumstances?  What was the outcome?  What could have been done better?  I think this is also as skill Empaths need to learn.  Empaths naturally will listen and not do much else.  They will feel emotion of the person and thus have a deeper experience in listening, but they tend not to think about how things could have been better.  Yes, this skill normal people call Empathy requires analysis.  You have to use the analytical brain to interpret what is going on and what could be done.  The outcome of using Empathy puts you side by side with the person as a friend, confidant, and guide.  That means there is an amount of responsibility on your part.  The other person most always appreciates any Empathy they can get even if they don't say so.

How do you build solutions and conclusions?  This skill is an active one.  You listen and you submit ideas and opinions.  You also acknowledge all the points of the other person.  You make known the points you agree with.  All the while you keep using both reading and empathy skills.  Where you end up in the conversation may surprise you and the other person as well.  What your doing is building.  You are building up the person and yourself at the same time.

The Emotion Literacy I'm defining here is made up of reading people, using empathy, and actively building.  I just looked up Emotion Literacy and got a wiki page. I believe that what I wrote here is in concert with the definition of that wiki page.  The difference is that I'm giving practical advice to use in an interpersonal communication setting, that is talking to someone one on one.  Like any interpersonal communication skill, using the advice here takes practice.  I believe you would see how effective this is.  I use this on a daily basis with people I meet, and the rewards are many.

Interpersonal For A Better World....

Remember the saying 'Can't we all just get along?'  It used to be a popular saying in the '80s.  Ok, why can't we?  I have one idea, that people are in their own worlds and are disconnected emotionally from everyone else, or at least from people around them everyday.  Social internet was supposed to connect people, and it does but mostly in a superficial way.  It's that way not because of the internet, but because of the habits people have developed in communicating.  The worst habit of all is not listening.  Listening is fundamental to empathy.  Listening requires being quiet and contemplating what the other person's position or argument is.  It requires some halt to self, and some pause on our impulse to comment.  Now, most people think that listening involves ears.  Well, it does, but not just ears, it also involves eyes, nose, touch, the brain, and even emotion.  Yes, emotion.  How does one listen to someone's emotion and what does it have to do with people getting along?

Let's tackle the first part of the question.  Have you ever had a nagging feeling that someone was watching you, and then you looked and someone was staring at you?  Well, you've picked up on their emotion.  People transmit brain waves all the time.  It's not a hard stretch to realize a brain can receive brain waves from another brain as well as transmit them.  So when your conversing with another person realize that the feelings you feel are not only yours but theirs as well.  This becomes clear when you pause your thinking brain and just listen.  The process of transmitting and receiving emotion is an on-going one.  People have emotions, and they transmit them, and it just takes a listening brain to start to interpret them.  The biggest hindrance to interpreting emotion is unbelief.  Unbelief stems from selfishness.  That is being concerned mainly about ourselves.  Putting that part of ourselves on hold is key.  Once that is done, we are ready to get those brain waves to help us experience what the other person is experiencing.  This is not mind-reading as depicted in movies.  These emotions are on the current emotions we all experience.

What would the world be like if we really listened to each other's emotions?  Listening involves all inputs including listening to emotion.  What we are talking about is interpersonal communication.  Listening to emotion is different than hearing what a person says, than a person's facial expressions, than picking up on subtle odors, or even than feeling them tremble.  Listening to their emotion lets us have a sense of experience to what their talking about.  It's like the difference from reading a good story to seeing the story as a movie, or seeing the story as a movie and playing the story as an immersed 3D computer game.  We're there.  This will innately help us understand the other person.  This is true empathy.  I believe that the act of listening to one another's emotions fosters reason rather than competition, intelligent argument rather than heightened emotions, and a spirit of working together rather than working against each other.  Being heard and understood is a basic human social need.  When that need is met we feel we are part of a community, and when that need is not met we feel we don't belong.  Listening has the power to create community.

By listening to one anther and listening to each other's emotions is key to fostering community.  So to answer the question 'Can't we just get along,' we can if we listen.