Change Your World

We all would like some control over our world.  We would like children that listen to us, parents that don't embrace us, bosses who encourage us, etc.  Dream on, right?  Well, maybe.  I saw a documentary called Killer Stress by National Geographic (2008).  It comfirmed to me what my life has taught me and what people deny.  We don't need an alpha dominate society.  Therefore I say, you can change your world or environment to get it away from alpha domination.  I would like to share with you how this is possible.  I'm going to spell out the problem and give some tips on how to combat it.

First, what do I mean by alpha dominant society?  Well, this can be any size society: from a family to a global organization.  The dominant individuals in a hierarchy are called alphas.  The alphas have subordinates and there are subordinates to the first subordinates and so on.  This apparently happens naturally among primates.  My guess is that it happens in many animal societies.  An alpha dominates its subordinates with violence and fear.  We can see the same thing happen in High School with the action of bullying.  The alpha wants to dominate rather than be dominated.  According to the documentary this causes stress for subordinates which could lead to early death.

Cliques are formed by alphas.  Some cliques become gangs, some become political parties, and some become religions.  Actually they become many things.  In forming a cliques the alpha will recruit people to join in.  Here is my first tip.  Don't join.  Don't play their game.  Play your own game.  If we're going to be evolved humans that think for themselves, we have to act like one.  An evolved society shows mutual support and respect.  Alphas beat down on their subjects whether physically or emotionally.  An evolved society builds up people.  Once you reject the Alphas' proposal, they know you are not under their control.

You should actively pursue mutual support amongst your peers.  Show support to all of them.  Soon you may get support back.  This will take time.  You can show support by actively listening to them, empathizing with them, and respecting their positions.  This shows to all that you have a different thing going on than the established hierarchy.  People will naturally gravitate towards positive support.  Refrain from yelling, or raising your voice.  Give people time to think about things rather than trying to convince people of your point in conversation.  Allow people to have different opinions.  Allow yourself to listen to their points as well.  Using communication wisely is the key to change a society.

Respect all people even when you don't like them.  In an evolved society, respecting everyone is key.  People have wants and needs.  They have a need to be heard, they have a need to be respected, and they have a need to feel safe.  Communicating with them in a respectful way gives them all these needs.  People use violence when they feel threatened.  Removing all threats from your communication will resolve a lot of tension.  There are opponents in history who didn't like each other but respected each other.  General Patton and General Montgomery comes to mind.  These two generals of WWII didn't like each other.  They had very different styles of command.  Yet had to rely on each other in fighting the Germans in North Africa.  Military officers will respect each other even if they may use terms like "fool" to describe each other.  You can respect someone you don't like.  This is very important.  If you disrespect someone your going to start a war, or feed into the alpha hierarchical system.

Understanding the nature of alpha domination, applying 'play your own game', learning to listen, and giving respect are a start of changing a society.  Alpha domination is the default architecture to a chaotic society.  To change society we have apply support with diligence and patience.  One day we can have a society that will be encouraging rather than dog eat dog.

Patience

 Patience is said to be a virtue.  Highly Sensitive People and Empaths are patient listeners.  It's one of the very special gifts that make interpersonal communication so enjoyable.  You can ask yourself how does patience help me in my interpersonal communication and how does it make me feel?  I'm going to explore how patience in interpersonal communication is a power for uplifting emotion.

In law enforcement there's the idea of letting people talk things out.  This requires patience.  Police are usually involved in talking to people who are emotionally charged.  Letting people talk it out helps them sort out the situation mentally.  Sometimes as an empath, I talk to people in regular situations that are passionate about a subject.  Their voice gets louder, they may talk faster, and/or they may have a more active body language.  I let them talk it out until they seem calmer.  Often they appreciate just the listening.  I don't choose these times as a time to argue so I avoid contradicting them.  That includes holding my opinion about the subject.  You might think that this somehow invalidates or ignores my opinion.  On the contrary, I feel it opens the person up to listen to my point of view since I was kind enough to listen to theirs.  As a result, a feeling of friendship and respect develops.  If you have trouble making your point of view known, or your view is not well received, try some patience with your audience.

I love how patience can change your life around.  Judith Orloff's article on patience emphasizes how patience is a powerful tool, though some people may look at it as weakness.  I know a type of person who will try and try to manipulate a highly sensitive person like me into doing whatever they say.  This person does not practice patience but the opposite, they practice urgency.  That is, they make you feel like you have to act now without thinking through the situation.   This is a mean trap.  Listening and being patient without reacting can help you avoid this trap.  I also use other techniques in such situations, like emotionally detaching from the individual.  It's really quite dangerous falling in such traps, because these people will make you their slaves if you let them.  In extreme cases, physical distance can be a good defense.  Using patience can protect you and can help the other person change if they are willing.  You don't have to point out that they need to change it will be evident to them naturally because of the feelings that patience on your part creates in them.

Patiently hearing out someone creates a bond of friendship.  This bond of friendship is spurred by respect you've shown by being patient in listening.  People have very few opportunities to be heard, and it's an innate need for all humans.  The right of free speech is an example of the need to be heard, to be listened to.  Parliament is derived from talking.  That's what legislatures are all about, talk or to be heard.  This is how we get our laws for our societies.  Likewise, being heard is how we derive at rules for ourselves and form ideas about personal situations.  Patience is essential for interpersonal communication to be uplifting.  Have you ever heard people arguing before?  They tend to interrupt one another.  This interruption just perpetuates frustration for both sides.  When one side is patient to listen without judgment, then the other usually reciprocates the courtesy and they both get heard.  Even if they disagree, they can walk away from the conversation feeling uplifted.

I looked at patience in interpersonal communication.  Being patient to let people talk and counter unreasonable urgency meets the need of people to be heard.  Patience is quite a power.

The Illusion Of Control

We humans like to manage and hoard and control things.  We learn the word "mine" at a very young age.  We lock down our stuff.  We lug our belongings through the years.  We even drag our friends and family through time.  We do all of this because we want a sense of control on our lives, a sense of security.  If we take a step or two back and look at the bigger picture, we may see how small and futile our ability to control actually is.

Starting with the obvious, the economy, its easy to see that money does indeed make itself wings as the old adage goes.  The recession of 2009 made people loose a lot of money and assets.  The housing market collapsed after a period of record high gas prices.  Housing foreclosures began and continued throughout 2010.  People lost home ownership, jobs, credit.  Banks lots billions in bad investments.  Many people filed for bankruptcy.  Nobody could control it.  The only power they might have had is to try to get out of its way by selling off assets early.  The only recourse for people was to blame the government, because how else can you blame society?

Natural disasters is another power that cannot be controlled.  Who can stop an earthquake?  Who can quench a tornado?  How can you redirect a hurricane?  How can you calm a tsunami? Mega natural disasters like hurricane Katrina or the tsunami of 2004 killed thousands.  Five days before Katrina hit, I watched the Weather Channel and knew those people needed to evacuate.  Anybody who watched that program realized that people needed to evacuate.  Nobody listened, not the governments and not the people.  Why didn't they listened?  Even in face of natural disasters, people will try to stay where they are.  It takes courage to get up and go and leave all of your life your friends, your belongings, and your community behind.  Natural disasters change lives.  People are more often than not resistant to change.  They do not want to loose control.  In the end they have no choice, they will loose control.  They loose control over all their belongings and way of life.  It gets ripped from them by a force they barely can understand.  For them, control was an illusion.

There is an invisible force in everyday life that affects us. Its in every business, organization, plan and endeavor we work in.  Its made up of the conditions in which we work and can come back to bite us.  I call it the Nature Of The Beast.  The best illustration I can think of happened back in the 1990's. Companies were downsizing to cut costs.  Lots of companies.  And the companies decided to give someone the job of analyzing and rationalizing whom they were to cut.  Toward the end of the job these workers of job loss had to face the Nature Of The Beast.  The honest ones decided they had no choice but to recommend that they be cut as well, since their job was done and no more monetary benefit was going to come out of them remaining employed for the company.  Beware of the Nature Of The Beast.  Know its circumstances and how it works else you may be its next victim.  If you think you have control over your career, think again.  The Nature Of The Beast quells all illusion of control over your career.


The Economic Recession, Natural Disasters and Nature Of The Beast are only a small sample of the forces out there we cannot control.  So I say, loosen your grip on career, family, friends, belongings.  Give a little, and be more flexible.  You just might find a way to keep them for the long haul.  Sting sang a song, "If you love someone, set them free."  We should heed such advice, or the illusion of control might just vanish away like fog or smoke.