Communicating Space To Avoid Anger

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) need space or alone time.  Most all HSP psychologists and coaches agree on this such as Dr Judith Orloff.  Then they also have a hard time with putting someone out for fear of being misunderstood.  It's also not in their nature to put someone out either.  As a result, they do not assert their need of space among their friends and family, and consequently suffer.  As a HSP myself, I would like to share what I go through when I don't communicate the need, and would like to share how it's possible to make the need known agreeably.

Many, many years ago, I became quite religious.  I had a guy who followed me in religious studies.  I felt he followed me too closely and I really felt confined, even claustrophobic.  Then, I had no idea I was a HSP or empath, nor what it meant.  The friendship ended abruptly with me confronting him with anger and frustration.  I always regretted that.  Throughout my life I have experienced many emotional verbal fights and a lot of them can be attributed to my feeling confined.  I really had no idea how to handle the situation.

Unfortunately it took me just recently to find out first hand how to handle the situation.  I had to do this with another friend.  You see, when I feel confined like this I want to get out so bad.  I just want to escape.  I cornered a geko once in a corner and it reacted very forcefully opening its mouth wide and taking a fighting stance.  I also cornered a horse and the resulting behavior was much the same.  It's no different with us.  The way to let people know how you feel is to take them aside.  Explain that you need space and time alone.  Explain that it's not because of them and that you value the friendship/relationship.  They might be taken by surprise, but they will most lightly agree to your terms. The reason is that it doesn't affect them.  Most people are motivated on the selfish level.  That's awful to say, I know, but when you think about it it's true.  Keeping their self esteem intact will usually allow them to agree.

If you doing what I have done and causing strife in your relationships because you feel confined, stop.  Taking the time and courage to share with them your need should do wonders.  Once you do this your anger and frustration will dissipate.  I believe that HSPs are better off fostering strong relationships.